The Illusion of Suffering

We usually attribute our suffering to something outside of ourselves...to other people, situations, external influences. “I’m suffering because life isn’t going the way I want it to” or “because I’m not the person I wanted to be”…but suffering is really caused by certain patterns of thinking. Most human beings are completely identified with the “image of themselves” that they have in their mind. And that view (which is nothing more than the ego) is always looking for happiness, but is relatively short-lived (it is fleeting). So it’s important to examine, to look into your sense of “identity”, and realize that your ego is based in separation. It is the assumption that you are separate from others and from life. This is why your ego is always looking to “add to” you. A conglomeration of beliefs, opinions, ideas, and everything you’ve been through in your lifetime has absolutely nothing to do with who you truly are at your essential nature, which is conscious spirit (life). That is who is reading this now, the awareness, or consciousness…not the beliefs, opinions, ideas, and past that is in your head. Those are only thoughts. So be the awareness of those thoughts, but no longer identify with them.

Truth.

No one knows where we can from, why we're here, or what the future holds.  Yet people identify with their own opinions of conceptual things in this world we live in as closely as they are attached to their own skin.  If those same people knew the real truth, or even more important that there is no reality, that this is all just an illusion (what we perceive as reality), then they would experience true freedom.  To not identify with a thing is to separate yourself from that thing.  To know that you are not this body, this form, is to realize that you are just the conscious spirit (and one with the source of all life) that is using this body for a little while, is to see that there is more to knowing than anything conceptual your mind can come up with.  To be trapped in the mind, like most people are, is to be a slave to it.  Free yourself from it...and you will have the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Evolving your mind

I've read a few books based on spirituality and some on meditation. Having done Kundalini yoga and being into "spirituality" for about 7-8 years now, I've been aware of chakra work. I got some insight on how to deal with feelings and sudden emotions rising through a book I read from a therapist and yoga instructor. By focusing on the chakra pertaining to whatever thoughts were creating the emotion, and instead of fighting it or trying to change the thought, to actually be with it. Be with the corresponding emotion. Only then are you "dealing with" the problem or thought or emotion, so that it dissipates on its own. Be with it, study it, try to see where it originates (and therefore understand it).

This type of work and awareness is good, but recently I was turned on to a new way of thinking. Our brains are like computers. Our conditioned minds (from the past) teach our body and mind to act and react to certain situations based on how we've been "programmed" to think, how to deal with things/life. But our minds, like computers, can also be re-programmed.

Imagine you woke up from a coma. You no longer know who you are...your name, (which is just a label), your family/friends/coworkers, your entire past...gone. You are now operating, no matter how sad the story may sound, on a "clean slate". You have no experiences to negate how you deal with life, no past-conditioned thoughts that have taught you how to judge people and situations. No grieving memories to dwell on, or to hold grudges about, or to hinder you in any way.

Now imagine you are that person. Imagine, if you could start your life over today. No thoughts about the past (which doesn't physically exist anyway, the past only exists as a thought in your mind, just like the words you're reading). Imagine you could start today being exactly who and what you want to be. Think how you want to think. Act how you want to act. Live how you want to live. Well you can. It's pretty awesome actually. The first step is just telling yourself (I like doing it out loud): I want ______ in my life. I choose to be _______ . Insert whatever you wish. Reaffirm things you've always wanted. You want to be rich? Say it. Want to me more brave? Daring? Congratulations, now you are. Want to ask out that girl you've had your eye on for awhile? You just did. Want to have more drive and determination? Say it out loud. Reaffirm it every day. And BELIEVE it when you say it. Re-program your mind, be who you want. This is your life, your "reality". Choose to live as you see fit. Believe, be strong, with all your heart and being.

"I can't live with myself any longer"

“I can’t live with myself any longer” was a quote Eckhart Tolle repeated to himself when he was in a deep state of depression at 29 yrs old.

At that moment he analyzed that thought for a moment “I can’t live with myself any longer”…so who am “I” and who is “myself”? This sentence implies that there are two of me, “I” and “myself” but that can’t be true.

The “I” he was speaking of is who you truly are, the aware consciousness (the “I am that I am” – Exodus 3:14) that is also life.

The “myself” he could no longer live with is the incessant stream of repetitive thoughts of the mind, conditioned over years of your “life” (which is just the past), that associates everything, even your perception of reality, as a thought. But you are not the thought, you, “I”, are the awareness, consciousness, life, God, however you want to describe it.

You are not your thoughts, but you are, at your essential nature, the awareness of your thoughts. Be that. Be the awareness, and realize you are conscious life.

The Story of "Me"

"My story" is not like any other, some of you will be able to identify with the words and some of you will not. I was born (into this body and this world) October 25, 1975.

I don't remember being "born", and I don't recall much of my childhood. From what I've read in studies some children block parts of painful memories as a type of self-defense mechanism in the brain. I do recall some good memories and some bad ones. I grew up in a pretty unstable environment. Not that my parents didn't love me, but a lot of people aren't ready for children, marriage, or even themselves before they make decisions to marry and have kids. But I don't blame them for anything; I read a really good quote once, "if you're parents knew better, they would have done better" and I truly believe that. They were into drugs and alcohol and partied a lot when I was really young. Me and my sister were put in a foster home when we were young, I don't recall exactly why but my grandparents got us out and raised us for a few years while my parents "figured things out". They divorced when I was 12, my father took custody. My mother, left and we didn't see her for awhile (she partied a lot) and my father was still struggling with alcohol. He quit years later as did my mom (after on and off prescription and illegal drug battles) and today they are much healthier, happier people.

You see, we are all products of our environment, you were born into this world knowing only life (which is ironic even as an adult because that is all we are) and were shown, by those who raised and influenced us, to act and react to "life" the way they did. This is called "past-conditioning" of the mind. Most people think that they are their past, these conditioned thought-patterns (which are mostly repetitive, even psychologists have discovered that over 99% of human thought is repetitive an unnecessary), but we're much more than that.

But back to "me". I grew up with a lot of abuse, verbal and physical. A lot of it felt like psychological torture, and a lot of it was. When you grow up experiencing first-hand such disfunction in others it really messes you up (the way you perceive and react to the world and the people in it). I never understood that more than I do now. Those same conditioned-thoughts that "made me who I was" (so I thought for a long time) forced me to make unhealthy decisions, and push people out of my life. It also made me attract other unconscious people. For disfunction attracts disfunction like a magnet. I dealt with a lot of things, fear, depression, sadness, guilt, anxiety. I remember having my first suicidal thought at 17, lying on my bed holding a big hunting knife to my chest and wanting to shove it in. I just wanted all the pain and heartache to go away. I had a great realization that same year (at 17)...there was something more to me, I couldn't put my finger on it...but I had to get out of that small town and find out what it was.

Years passed and now I'm around 29/30...for about a year I'm done convincing myself "my past is who I am, my problems and issues are who I am". I'm tired of pushing people out of my life, being angry all the time (me against the world) and hating myself. I WANT TO CHANGE. I pick up a book an ex gave me over a year ago. I remember she said "you should read this"...but it wasn't time (there is a force greater than us that controls our fate I believe, this is just one example). The book was "Co-Dependent No More" by Melody Beattie, and it's the first book that started a change in me that I will never forget and always be thankful for.

I started to realize I was, in fact, more than my past, more than my conditioned thinking. Over the years I started to buy more "self-help" books, trying to etch away at my issues, like an artist trying to create a beautiful sculpture out of a rough mold. Then, I ran across a book that gave me the realest truth you could ever know, and (I feel) the very secret to life. It was "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle.

I realized (and confirmed through various sources of scientific material, studies, and internet research over the years) that we are, in fact, conscious energy. You are not this body you see in the mirror every day. You are the life-force that animates this body, and you are part of and are (in essence) the life-force of the universe and a higher-intelligence (call it "God" or whatever word you can associate with that). That we are essentially all one and the same, and that everything we perceive to be "reality" is just created by our limited sense of perception (sight/sound/taste/touch/smell). But don't take my word for it, do your own research and come to your own conclusions. I more often go with what I "feel" is right or true than just reading or hearing something and believing it intellectually.

The most significant and precious thing about humans is choice. We can choose to stay in this conditioned mind-set, letting our mind and thoughts control us, our emotions, our decisions, our life. Or, we can choose to realize we are and part of something much greater than our minds, than our past, than whatever we can perceive. We can choose to go above ego (judging people and situations, feeling the need to be "right"), to be aware of our thought pattern (repetitive, negative thinking), and most importantly, we can choose to be in the present moment (not always looking for the next moment, leaving the past behind, not associating with past or future). This is the story of "me".